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NOW…

All the emotions that i had buried underneath over the years. All the ashes of the memory and my heart revived again with the buzzing of my cell phone. I received a call this morning, from a lady who introduced herself as Anamika.  Anamika Rajat Sharma- my beloved Rajat’s wife. I should have been ecstatic to know about him but the news was grave. He was in the hospital taking his last breath. Rajat was dying of heart disease at just 40! The news was like a kick in the gut. I immediately booked three tickets for the next flight to Chennai and then rushed home. Right now I am in the middle of my journey surrounded by nostalgia. My melancholy is not helping to hide my restlessness. I am scared and worried for him, angry at him for not contacting me even once and frustrated because the journey is not coming to an end! “I am coming Rajat! Please hold on! I will be there soon. Then everything will be fine”. I touched my cheeks to remove the wetness from under my eyes; this is no time to cry! I have to be strong!!

FAREWELL… 

The only thing that confirmed that Rajat was still alive was the low beep of monitor detecting his heart beat and the guilt in his eyes. He was so pale and thin, The room is so quite that it was difficult to imagine that there were 3 more persons in the room. Anamika was sitting at the left side of his bed holding his hand. I was standing at his right side and my parents were at the foot of the bed. Rajat layed almost lifeless, surrounded by IV tubes and equipments. These past 10 years I had thought of so many things that I wanted to say to him, but right now they all seem to be worthless. The fact that he would be breathing his last soon formed a lump in my throat. These treacherous tears again started to blind my vision, and all I could manage to say was ‘Rajat!’ I wanted to run and get out of that room. It was suffocating! But I could not leave. ‘Why didn’t you call me before?’ ‘I Missed You.’ Rajat removed the oxygen mask and said ‘I missed you too, Randeep. I hope all of you can forgive me for the mistakes I did. I am sorry; I could not realize I was wrong. I was blinded by ego.’ ‘Mom-dad, I hope you will forgive me and will give me my place back in your heart’. This made me wobbly and I hugged him as tightly as I could because at that moment in his death bed I knew that he realized that the only thing that had changed was him. ‘Please don’t leave me’ somewhere behind my numbness I can feel his weak hands patting my back and Anamika crying badly. Just then Aisha entered the room with her husband. She was equally worried and mom’s nod discreetly told her that he hardly had any time left. Everyone was crying because we were not ready to say goodbye, but Rajat was finally smiling. I had seen that face my whole life but that last glance would always be a cherished memory. He quietly passed away after a few weeks. The grudges that we had been holding on for so long were finally resolved. 

As they say ‘forgiveness is the virtue of the brave’, we forgive each other and are bravely fighting his absence from our lives…


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