When I opened my Facebook account today I saw one of the classmates from my school days had just got married. Seeing her all smiling and shining in her bright led lehenga made my heart burn with jealousy. I could not muster the strength to congratulate her and barely managed to press the like button for courtesy. For those of who are wondering if I depressed ex-lover who is still not over his girlfriend, you are wrong. I am a girl, and I am not a lesbian. The reason why I felt like breaking down is just because I don’t think I will ever be that!

It’s unfathomable for me to understand how such a young, pretty and successful metro girl could agree to share her life at such a young age. I still remember the first time I heard in sing in 6th class and was dumb stuck at her melodious voice.  She always wanted to be a singer and now she is, but she is also much more than that! She is somebody’s soul mate and has wowed to support her man at every good or bad step of his life. She is a daughter in-law laden with responsibilities of a new household. How can she be strong enough to take on so much and look so happy in that wedding picture when she has got her own life ahead of her?  The fact that she is not scared of it makes me feel like holding my pillow to my chest and sob like I have lost something deep.

The Diary Of The Girl Next Door Read Online
The Diary Of The Girl Next Door Read Online

 We both started from the same journey and she took a different train. She got a job, she got her dream, she fell in love and now she is walking towards another chapter of her life at 23 whereas I am still studying, no idea when will I start my job and cannot even have a decent conversation with my family without putting up a fight! How can she have all of that when I cannot even imagine doing what she is doing! It’s not like 23 is too early, perhaps in a few years I would also be expected to find a decent match but right now at this moment it feels like a little girl has been asked to find her home in a crowded unknown place.  I cannot stay in a proper relationship for a decent length of time and to think of an entire life, is just impossible!

I mean my parents still worry over me about not eating my meals on time and not preparing for exams for god’s sake. I wonder if I will ever be as grown up as she is, matured in mind and heart. To be able to acknowledge all of this and accommodate this change with delight not plight. I silently weep and wonder if I will ever be somebody’s partner and when I pledge to be with him till death and share my joys and sorrows and to support him when he needs it, I would know exactly what it means to wear that manga sutra as a sign of pride and privileged. But most importantly, I wonder if one day someone will see my wedding pictures on Facebook and feel the same helplessness and jealousy as I do now.

Read more: Poem: Need Is To Want To Have Ways To Be Happy In Life


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